(2-3 Minute Read)
Saul Rubinstein, a member of the local synagogue, Congregation Beth Chelm, has shocked the Jewish community. When the eighth and final day of Passover came to a close, he did not rush to eat chametz and celebrate the end of the holiday with the rest of the Jewish world.
Members of the local Jewish community first became concerned when Saul Rubinstein was not seen fighting through the line at Melekh HaGevinah Kosher Pizza Shop ten minutes after the recitation of Havdalah.
Upon inquiry, Rubinstein shocked and horrified the community by declaring that he was going to “take his time” with returning to eating chametz foods.
“I happen to like Passover food,” Saul Rubinstein defended himself as he headed straight to the kosher section of the local Buy ‘N’ Spend grocery store to acquire as much discounted Passover food as possible after the holiday. “Matzo is delicious, and who doesn’t love matzo ball soup? And what’s wrong with kosher for Passover gefilte fish? I don’t see what all of the fuss is about.”
Saul Rubinstein’s wife, Sadie, was not available for comment. But unconfirmed reports have indicated that Sadie Rubinstein was last seen at her mother’s house eating an overstuffed pastrami sandwich from Basar Bonanza Kosher Delicatessen. Sadie’s mother noted that she wasn’t surprised by her son-in-law’s behavior, as she has always regarded him as a “constant disappointment,” a “schlemiel,” and worst of all, “not a doctor.”
Besides the unprecedented disturbance rippling throughout the entire Jewish community, even the non-Jewish population has expressed concern and even outrage over Saul Rubinstein’s unusual actions. One non-Jewish neighbor of Rubinstein, Haruto Takahashi, was very vocal in his criticism of the Jewish rebel.
“Rubinstein tricked me!” Takahashi wailed in dismay. “I paid good money, a real dollar, for that man’s yeast products on the condition that he would come back to get them a week later. And now he refuses to buy them back from me. His worthless stale crackers and half-empty boxes of dried pasta are taking up room in my basement for no good reason!”
Rabbi Yitzi Frummer, the spiritual leader of Congregation Beth Chelm, was particularly perturbed at Saul Rubinstein’s defiance of local custom.
“Not to speak lishon hara, but the behaviors and actions of Saul Rubinstein are very troubling for our community. First of all, our relationships with our non-Jewish companions, such as the kind and wonderful Haruto Takahashi, are in jeopardy. The concept of minhag hamakom, or the prevailing community tradition, is very important in Judaism. And here at Congregation Beth Chelm, and in most of the Jewish world, we have a custom to celebrate our freedom from the festival of our freedom, zman cheruteinu. Personally, I am very machmir, or stringent, about these traditions. I even intentionally spill crumbs of chametz on the living room floor while eating a hummus and cracker platter in front of the television to mark the end of Passover. And while so doing I raise my eyes to Shamayim and joyously recite ‘Baruch hamavdil bein kodesh l’chol.’”
It is unknown what the future holds for Saul Rubinstein, or how long he will continue to “not bother” with the eating of chametz. Some members of the community have expressed hope, however, that the local supply of food products with a “kosher for Passover” hechsher will soon be exhausted.
“Saul can’t hold out forever. It’s only a matter of time,” Meyer Meyerowitz, president of Congregation Beth Chelm, declared optimistically. “Eventually there will be no more Passover-approved food available at the grocery stores or kosher markets, and he will have no choice but to come around and eat chametz with the rest of us.”
Saul Rubinstein, however, merely shrugged in response.
“I don’t know,” Rubinstein responded amidst the aisles of unwanted clearance Passover food. “There’s a lot of kasher l’pesach food here at great prices. I am in a chametz-free heaven! I might even be able to eat a chametz-free diet until next Passover.”
Only time will tell who will win this battle with the Jewish community over Saul Rubinstein’s appalling lack of interest in eating chametz after Passover.
